And today as I stand in front of the mirror I cannot help notice the changes I have gone through. I look in the mirror every day but today as I stare, I see it. The obvious changes, I know, have not occurred overnight. I don’t laugh and smile like I used to, I see a stranger looking at me from the other side. I know the smile, I know it is yours. I have become you, unconsciously.
And I still remember the day, I saw you. I saw you looking at the sky, trying to open it up and pull down the stars; cajoling the stars to open up before the world. I had an instant feeling of kinship to the stars, they come out when no one is looking at them, then they come out and shine; like them I too had no idea, why I detested daylight, unconsciously.
And as I count the blades of grass I notice that I am no longer concentrating on the grass, my mind travels to a land, unknown and far. Everything in this world goes on, most of the time, by muscle memory, they happen and we realize only when it ends, like sunsets. The sun of my mind wanders as if hypnotized, unconsciously.
And some things just remain, as if lying scattered on the floor; and the moment we pick them up or clear them, they lose their meaning. They are meant to be, the way they are, lost and forgotten, strewn around; just like pebbles, leaves around a tree, clouds and memories, unconsciously.
And I lose myself to the changing seasons; I sway the way they do. I stay and leave with them. I carry words and conversations and tell stories to children, as they cuddle into the arms of their mothers. The goddess presses them to their bosom, sheltering the child from the cold. The mammas shiver, I see, when I blow cold air into their eyes, unconsciously.
And I remember I was walking on that road, lonely and forsaken and there I saw you, vibrant and happy. I walked on the cold winter morning and I think you started when the leaves turned green. You were everything I had never seen, filled with awe, we crossed path in spring. I wanted to stay and be, and I smiled at you, unconsciously.
And we met again. In the moonlit night, you talked and I looked at you. I saw your eyes glow brighter than the lamps. I touched the glow with my eyes and I was rendered incandescent. You spoke and spoke and spoke; you released me from my skin. I was you. I watched you shine, I cried cold tears of joy, and with your rays I escaped, unconsciously.
And that same night, as I crawled my fingers down on your face, you closed the beauty of your eyes. I sniffed the air around your ears; I took in the fragrance of your neck. You swallowed invisible air and then the lips lost color, stolen by the cheeks. And onto your lips with love, desire, want and love, I kissed, unconsciously.
And today as I stand in front of the mirror I cannot help but notice the changes I have gone through. I lie scattered and I am released. I fly with your wings in summer sky, I fly and from my nest I escape. I have been through the sieve now and I have become you. I rise as you pull down the ashes of heaviness from me, your eyes on me and your hands dirty, unconsciously.
Kashiv folded the paper this was written on, put it in his breast pocket and patted it, unconsciously.
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